Little White Lies
by a thousand facets
Summary: Rose and the Doctor's thoughts during Doomsday. In contrast to The Dark Truth. T for light implications of sex
1. Rose

"Can I-" Rose looked at her Doctor and reached out, hoping beyond hope that he was really standing there. When she had heard him whispering her name in the night she had thought that when she found him, when she finally saw him, that he would take her back with him, but this…this was…it hurt more than anything she had ever felt before.

And yet she wouldn't give it up for the world.

"I'm still just an image. No touch." He said, pokerfaced.

And with those words shattered heart into tiny fragments. "Can't you come through properly?" She asked with her last piece of hope.

"The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse." Was his answer.

She almost choked at that. "So?" She repressed the urge to cry.

He smiled a little bit at that, making the tears well up in her eyes.

He, on the other hand, seemed a bit distracted as he looked around. "Where are we? Where did the gap come out?"

"We're in Norway." She said, calming herself down, putting her emotions back to normal.

"Norway. Right."

She repressed her own little smile. "About fifty miles out of Bergen. It's called 'Darlig Ulv Stranden.'"

"Dalek?" He looked at once confused and a little bit worried.

"Darl-IG. It's Norwegian for 'bad.'" She repressed her smile again. "This translates as 'Bad Wolf Bay.'"

The look on his face stopped her heart before it slowly fell, making her own smile disappear despite her best efforts.

She started to worry and looked around before looking right back at him. "How long have we got?" She asked at last, her biggest fear finally coming out.

"About two minutes."

She had to push down her tears again. Or she tried. But then they started to ocme out. "I can't think of what to say!"

She let out a nervous little laugh, a laugh that she didn't even know he was capable of, a laugh that killed her a little bit inside.

"You've still got Mr. Mickey, then?" He said at last, looking over at her family standing by the jeep.

She swallowed a suddenly nervous lump in her throat as she looked over, but figuring that she had to say it, she continued. "There's five of us now. Mum, dad, Mickey…" a thousand thoughts flickered through her mind in the little pause that she took before saying, "and the baby."

The Doctor's face lost all of its walls and boundaries and his entire guard came down in one moment of complete horror. "You're not…"

She looked at his face. It was the face of a man who was terrified that the girl he loved was pregnant. And not pregnant with someone else's baby, pregnant with his baby. Pregnant with his child and stuck in a different universe and he couldn't be with her.

She forced a smile and a laugh out of her lips. "No…it's mum."

The look on his face was one of pure relief as he looked at her and then squinted as he looked over, trying to get a good look at her mother.

As he looked away from her, she let her face fall. One little white lie. One little white lie was worth that beautiful look on his face…because if he knew the truth… she didn't wasn't to think about it.

She put her right arm across her stomach as she lied to the Doctor again. "She's three months gone. More Tylers on the way."

His eyes went back to her and she quickly removed her hand from her stomach. Maybe a little too quickly, she thought, as his eyes flicked downwards as they detected the movement, but he said nothing.

"And what about you? Are you…?" He said, the look on his face nothing she had ever seen before. It was like he just wanted…just wanted to look at her while he could, and the thought that maybe even her Doctor could feel that way made her blink back more tears.

"Yeah, I'm back working in the shop."

"Oh, good for you." He said, but she could tell that he didn't really mean it.

"Shut up. No I'm not." She let herself smile. "There's still a Torchwood on this planet, it's open for business. I think I know a thing or two about aliens."

The Doctor's face lit up and melted her heart. "Rose Tyler. Defender of the Earth."

The look on his face, the way that he said that, made her reconsider telling him, taking back the lies. She was just about to open her mouth and tell him the truth before he spoke.

"You're dead, officially, back home." His voice had turned harder, hateful almost. "So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on a list of the dead."

His voice was almost dangerous and she bit her tongue again, remembering why she wasn't going to tell him, why she didn't tell him in the first place. And why she couldn't.

"Here you are." His voice softened and made her look back up at him. "Living a life day after day. The one adventure I can never have."

That set her off. "Am I ever gonna see you again?" He voice was mostly steady, albeit a couple octaves higher, despite the tears streaming down her face.

"You can't."

She flipped her hair out of her face impatiently. "What're you gonna do?" She squeaked before clearing her throat, trying to get her voice back to normal.

His face was back to full guard, full blocks between him and the world, poker face back up. "Oh, I've got the TARDIS. Same old life. Last of the Time Lords."

"On your own?" Rose asked, fingering the hem of her shirt.

Even his guards couldn't completely block out his emotions and his face fell a little bit as he nodded.

"I love you." She said finally, so sure of herself, so sure of her words, more sure than she had ever been of anything. She had said it to him before, and she had meant it, but never had she meant it as much as she did now.

"Quite right, too." The Doctor said, smiling a little bit.

He had never been able to say it back. She knew he did, but he had never said it. From what he had said, she thought it was some sort of cultural thing.

"And I suppose, it it's on last chance to say it…"

She looked up into his face and into his beautiful, beautiful eyes, once more drinking in the face that she held so dear to herself.

"Rose Tyler…"

And he faded.

For the first moment she couldn't believe it and then she broke down in tears, holding her stomach tight to her and just crying. It was worth the little white lie that she had told. It was all worth it. But it killed her.

He would never know his child.

And she would never see him again.


	2. The Doctor

"Can I-" Rose whispered.

The Doctor watched as Rose started to reach out her hand towards him and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and grab that beautiful hand and kiss her with every ounce of feeling he had in his body. But he couldn't. He couldn't because he wasn't really there and they weren't really together.

He kept his face straight, masking his emotions. "I'm still just an image. No touch." But even as he said the words his heart dropped deeper inside of him, hurting. Too many goodbyes. He had said far too many goodbyes. And this was one of the most painful goodbyes he had ever had to say.

"Can't you come through properly?" Her voice was full of faith.

"The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse." He said, keeping his face still straight and putting everything that he had into not breaking down.

"So?" Her voice was strained, but still full of her Rose-ness.

That made him want to cry so he smiled instead, not wanting to admit that he was seriously considering it if it meant that he wouldn't have to say goodbye. But he couldn't. He knew he couldn't. But oh how he wanted to.

He looked around to distract himself. "Where are we? Where did the gap come out?"

"We're in Norway." She told him, taking an audibly deep breath that made him hurt for her, wishing he wasn't putting her through this.

But instead of saying something that might have made her feel better, he could only say, "Norway. Right."

He looked at her and saw her press down a little smile like he had seen a thousand times. "About fifty miles out of Bergen. It's called 'Darlig Ulv Stranden.'"

"Dalek?" He felt his two hearts start beating a little faster and couldn't press down the nerves he felt at that.

"Darl-IG. It's Norwegian for 'bad.'" She repressed a smile again. "This translates as 'Bad Wolf Bay.'" She let out a strangled little laugh.

He felt his face turned into a weak but genuine little smile, which only lasted for a moment before he felt his face falling again. But still, Bad Wolf. Those words had followed them throughout everything, and now they were right here alongside them at the end. The bitter, bitter end.

She paused for a minute as if to think, but he didn't interrupt her, he just looked at her, just drinking in the sight of his Rose before he couldn't any longer.

"How long have we got?" She said at last.

"About two minutes." He felt his hearts break from his own words.

He watched as her eyes welled with pools of tears and they started to run down her face. All that he wanted was to reach out and brush the salty drops off of her face but he couldn't. And he hated it.

"I can't think of what to say!" She cried through the tears, laughing a little bit.

He let out a nervous laugh that surprised even him, a laugh that he didn't want to be laughing because it meant that he was sad. He looked around to distract himself and spotted Jackie and Pete and Mickey standing by a beat up old jeep away, out of earshot, but still watching them. "You've still got Mr. Mickey, then?" He said at last, not taking his eyes off of them. He knew that if he looked at Rose he was going to lose it, even if he didn't look like he was.

She took a pause before answering. "There's five of us now. Mum, dad, Mickey…" another little pause, hesitant, almost afraid of his reaction to something. "and the baby."

The Doctor felt himself completely lose all of his inhibitions and his guard over his emotions and his face just completely fall apart as his head swivelled around to look at the woman he loved. "You're not…"

He was terrified. Absolutely terrified. He knew Rose, and Rose wouldn't have slept with another man. She still loved him, he knew she did. And he did her even if he couldn't say it, and she knew that too. This meant that if she was pregnant, it was his. And if it was his, and she was in this other universe, stuck here, separated….he wouldn't let that happen. He would tear the universes apart first. He felt a fire start deep inside of him, buried deep in the complete fear.

She looked at him and laughed a little bit. At first he thought it sounded a little bit odd but then he looked in her eyes and saw his Rose. "No…it's mum."

He felt his face fall into an expression of pure relief. He didn't know what he would of done and just….waves of relief washed over him as he lifted his gaze from her and squinted over to the jeep, trying to get a good look at her mother.

"She's three months gone. More Tylers on the way." She said and his eyes flickered back to her.

His eyes detected movement and they flickered down to her hand which was rushing to her side. He didn't know why or what was going on, but he figured it was just her hurting. He was too. He just wouldn't be able to show it until he was back on the TARDIS. Alone.

But he didn't want to be alone on the TARDIS ever again.

"And what about you? Are you…?" He asked at last to distract himself from these thoughts. He just wanted to look at her. And listen to her voice.

"Yeah, I'm back working in the shop." She said.

"Oh, good for you." He said, trying to repress the little voice in his head saying that she could do so much better than that. Even though she could.

"Shut up. No I'm not." She smiled a little bit and that smile seemed to him the most glorious thing that he had ever seen. "There's still a Torchwood on this planet, it's open for business. I think I know a thing or two about aliens."

The Doctor felt his face light up in joy. It was absolutely perfect for her. "Rose Tyler. Defender of the Earth." He beamed, repressing tears.

She just looked up at him, just _looking_ at him.

"You're dead, officially, back home." His voice turned harder, hateful almost. "So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on a list of the dead." He felt himself grow dangerous. He didn't _want_ to live in a universe where Rose Tyler could be considered dead. He wanted to hurt those who had made that possible…mainly Daleks and Cybermen…and himself. He had to calm down. "Here you are." His voice softened as he looked down at his beautiful girl. "Living a life day after day. The one adventure I can never have." And the only adventure he had ever wanted more than anything else. A life that went by day after day. With her.

"Am I ever gonna see you again?" Her voice was mostly steady, albeit a couple octaves higher, despite the tears streaming down her face.

"You can't." And he felt his hearts shatter more as his words sent daggers into her own heart.

He watched her flip her hair out of her face impatiently, a movement he had seen a million times. "What're you gonna do?" Her voice was so high that it almost squeaked.

His face was back to full guard, full blocks between him and the world, poker face back up. "Oh, I've got the TARDIS. Same old life. Last of the Time Lords." It was a lonely life but it was the only one that he could have. And it was one that he didn't want any more.

"On your own?" Rose asked, fingering the hem of her shirt.

Even his guards couldn't completely block out his emotions and his face fell a little bit as he nodded.

"I love you." She said finally, sounding so sure that it killed him. Because he was also sure. He was so sure.

"Quite right, too." The Doctor said, smiling a little bit. He couldn't say it.

He had never been able to say it back. He knew that she knew he did, but he had never said it. Stupid Time Lord culture that had been engrained on him…they weren't married so he couldn't say it.

But maybe he could. Right now. Because he had nothing left to lose.

"And I suppose, it it's on last chance to say it…"

She looked up into his face he looked down into hers, ready, finally to say those last words, those final goodbyes. And a promise of eternity.

"Rose Tyler…"

And he was back in the TARDIS.

"I love you." He whispered to no one and finally let the first of so many tears roll down his cheeks.

He was never going to see his beautiful Rose again, never again would he feel her in his arms, or hear her muttering in her sleep…and he would never be able to follow through with his plan.

He fingered the little box in his pocket. The little box which held a little diamond ring. That would never sit on her little finger. That he would never see holding a bouquet while she was dressed in white for her Earth heritage and Gallifreyen red for his heritage.

He had lost his Rose.

No, he wasn't okay.


End file.
